When the heart is pulled from your body...where do you begin to trust again ?

Hello Faithful readers,

C'est Moi..feeling in a very bluesy mood today..it is almost the witching hour..Midnight..perhaps when it turns to become WED, I'll feel better. I've been fighting back the tears for hours now and fighting a losing battle with them.  I thought censoring my blog at the "other site" was bad enough..I thought watching a friend be stalked by a lunatic was horrible..I thought losing a friend would be the worst I could go through..and I was right on that...It hurts like a son of a B...a deep , cavernous wound that feels like it will never close. I felt this same pain when my Best Friend Alex was taken from me by a massive heart attack. I can not replace her..or my Mom..or anyone I've lost to Heaven. What makes it even rougher is I did nothing to deserve the loss...I was the cheerleader..the whipping boy..the one who always believed in Him and his dreams..and now..a month has gone by and like the idiot I am, I sit and wait..perhaps today will be the day my friend speaks nicely to me..

I guess when we agreed to always be friends I thought he meant it as much as I did..At least I am glad our last "good" day together was April 19th and I got to say what was in my heart even though I was scared to death to say it..scared it would upset him/tick him off..My hands shook..my heart pounded so loudly I thought he could hear it...and I quietly typed..

"1 year or 1 thousand..I will always want and ache for you and  feel the  need to please you..and it will always be there " I waited..shaking and he typed back..We've been friends for 6 yrs..and this was a year anniversary of whatever else we "shared". I promised him early on that my feelings for him would never change but always, always, always be there..

"YESSSSS it will" he typed..Our last happy conversation ended on a happy passionate note. For that I will always be grateful.

Forgive me my tears...understand my heart is not only aching, the damm thing is shattered..I am so afraid I will never be able to trust anyone else ever again..6 years or 6 thousand, this kind of pain never dies..Perhaps one of these nights I will start sharing here how it all began...how it tragically ended..maybe even some of my erotica will find a home here and go back to where it belongs on the "other site".

Thanks for reading this..and for being here..Kind of feels like I am not alone..Close the door softly as you leave..Please.

Hugs,

Maureen***

The Dolls (well some of) in my Dollhouse

Hello Dear Readers,

I shared this photo on my FB page but thought I'd share it here too..These are the dolls that helped inspire me to bring my dollhouse here and blog about my life as a Sugar Babyz. Sugar Daddy bought all these dolls. They range from $3.99 for the open Cleo de Nile dolls out of package up to $21.99 for a Lagoona set. They are highly addictive as you can see/tell. I told Him that he never enables my bad behavior/choices. Sugar Daddy laughed then said that He only enables me in this collection and one on Kathy Van Zeeland handbags. LOL. He is such a good provider..I am a lucky Babyz indeed.

Happy Half Naked WED..Happy HUMP Day..Happy Wankers Day as my sis says in the UK,

Have fun & Enjoy Life,

xxoo,

Maureen

Censoring a Sugar Babyz NEVER works well

Hello Dear Readers,

I finally have my google blog back to normal now and Twitter is safe now too :) I have an update to my recent woes with my life and my erotica. A friend of mine has been rather upset and accused me of things I did not and would NOT do..so in an attempt to appease him, my blog on another site was censored. It broke my heart to do that. I am sad to say I think he knew that it would. YOU do not tell a writer to stop writing and once published or posted ,tell them it has to be removed. I carefully made copies and took screen shots but did as I was ordered to do. Btw, the posts/erotica had been on the website for over a year without a single problem being attributed to it. Not even the tiniest hint of anything wrong..no favourtism no problems..Until now..ALL because someone talked when they should not have and told the wrong person info/intel they had no right to repeat. Eventually the posts/erotica will come back..By my count over 30,000-50,000 people have viewed and read/enjoyed them on several sites. I have no intention of denying the posts are mine or censoring them elsewhere. Other members blogs were also singled out for censoring. Sadly the whackjob stalker took  a lot more then my words down..she brought others down too and what did she achieve ? Nothing..Nothing at all. Our words may be in hiding but they still breathe, they still move others to pleasure and happiness. You won no battles and you won't win this censorship war.

The Fairy Tale of my life may be over for now..at least this part of it...I will survive ..I will move on and what I had with one, I can have with others. My friend in France told me "You lose 1 and you will gain 10 in its place" I like that statement. There are many Princes out there asking for my other glass slipper..Just a shame that the one I cared about as my dear "great" (as he called me) Friend did not believe IN me as much as I always believed in him. I NEVER believed the gossip about him. I had faith. To bad he had none in me.

Happy WEEKEND Hugs & FIGHT CENSORSHIP WHEREVER IT EXISTS!!,

Maureen

Our Life is what our thoughts make of it

Hello Dear Readers,

Just today I had to change my blog settings..I thought I could keep this an open blog but now since I've been unfairly accused of something to keep my privacy, I had to change my settings on the blog to closed to only my fellow bloggers..

I have not done the things someone else accused me of doing. I was not asked if it had happened I was told it happened and to not do it again by someone I trusted. I had to talk to someone else I trusted to make sure if they were the person passing along info they needed to know someone is lying to them and about them too. Now this friend of mine is angry and hurt..and oh yes, crying too. Congrats Monster who sought to hurt me among others..Your lies made someone who trusted you cry too. Bet you didn't think that would happen did you ? Long weekend of no fun. Have I finally stopped you and your lies about me ? I doubt it. With my luck you are a fellow blogger here too..My own family came to view my blog and now I have to close it to stop anymore lies from spreading. They might think it was because of them.

I do not dislike easily or even hate..but now..I am raging. How dare you violate my life and privacy with your lies and gossip ? How dare you Monster..

My one saving grace is that people who believed in you now know you for the liar you are. I was told quite awhile ago by someone I trusted that you are a liar and to not believe a single word you say..You messed with the wrong Bitch this time. Karma will come to those who do evil as well as those who do good.

Sorry folks..Had to say it..

Maureen

Happy Birthday to MOI :) Mexican food, boobs and donuts..LOL.

Hello Darling Readers,

Well April 18th 2012 has come and gone..My Birthday. It was a wonderful day which I spent laughing and having a delightful time for the whole 24 hrs. Everyone should have such a day.

The flowers are sent via online from my sis in the UK..Loved them..Put them everywhere today. LOL. Yeah that is how this Princess rocks and rolls.

I woke up..Fed my kitties..Hungry demanding devils..way to much like me..LOL..Did a full power workout and felt awesome..Grabbed a hot shower..which is a normal shower until I get into it and it becomes HOTTT..(LOL) Then the Sexy Kitten makeup goes on..check..did that...add tight pants and my slutty top which is slit from neck to belly button.check got that ;) Hot pink Birthday bra and voila..Baby is ready to rock..I wrote my emails and chatted with a close pal Kat..we shared some good laughs..Prince Charming sent me offline msgs before I logged in to let me know he was thinking of me. (xoxo and thanks babe) Then Sugar Daddy came into the pc room at our house..He took one look at me and eyes went straight to the cleavage he could not miss..and blushed, giggled like a teenage boy and said "Boobies"..then he saw the rest of me and said "Wow".

Sugar Daddy took me to a meal at my very favourite Mexican eatery..delish and packed today of all days. As we drove there a white truck passed us and the passenger leaned out of his window to take a look at me or as much of me as he could see..Could he see boobage from there ? Maybe so. LOL..Hope he enjoyed it..By his smile I think he did. After our meal as we exited the place 3 men sitting at a nearby table all gave me that "look". Made me feel good to make people feel something special on my special day.

Went shopping for the infamous black and white and hard to find Frankie Stein from the Monster High doll collection..No luck sadly. Bought some stuff for kitties at Target and ran by Toys R us and Kmart in hopes for the doll..(sigh...next time) Finished up the night at an amazing place called Chucks Donuts..(Yum yum good..too good..) I had to have one for my bday and the kitties love donuts so shared with my girls.

Came home to install new memory in our pc and now it works even faster and I love it as it is so quiet now..Thanks Mike for being by your phone and knowing I'd need you to talk me through some of it. XOXO.

Welcome to my Birthday...Great fun..Great food..Great Cleavage..(LOL) Happy day all 24 hours of it.

Huggs and Kisses,

C'est Moi,

Maureen***

Hooray for Hollywood and now home...

Hello,

It's me once again. I am home finally from my romantic adventures in Hollywood. My Sugar Daddy took the photo here so I could share it with one and all.

My Tarot was right. I did need to get away and get my head straight again and figure out what I truly want and need for my own life. I needed to take a step back and try and figure out where I am heading to. I needed a break from Prince Charming and all the extra drama surrounding me. Did I think about the Prince while in Los Angeles ? Of course I did, but not as much as I thought I would. I saw his name everywhere and even saw buses with the names of the cities he lived in while going to University down here in Los Angeles. One night I went to a fast food eatery and the Manager reminded me sooo much of Prince R that I had to laugh. He even did the same Rico Suave act and flirted with me very obvious too. The Manager even assured me "I will see you tomorrow"..LOL..Really ?? Let me know how that works for you, I thought.

We had a marvelous drive to So Calif and made it there in 6 hours or so. I love Hollywood and have friends who are in the industry and that makes for fascinating conversation. I was having a blast till Sun night when I went into my hotel rooms bath and was in the shower..I suddenly slipped..found myself falling backwards and smacked my head straight into the shower wall with such a force, it shook the room. I screamed and I could hear my Sugar Daddy yell from the other room where the Grammys were on and Adele was singing. I found myself pitching forward and about to slam face first into the hard tile floor outside the shower/tub when I felt something or someone push me backwards..I hit the wall again, leaving brusies all over my back, started to slide down into the tub and as it happened, I began to view it all from outside of my body..I blacked out and the next thing I know Sugar Daddy is standing next to the tub quite concerned. He asked me who the President was and I said "Von Hindenburg" and we thought if I can name cabinet ministers from 1930's Germany, than I am going to be okay. It was a long tense night and alot of ice on my head. We did not sleep till well into the next morning.

I am still having some twinges of pain from this fall and smackdown in the tub. I can not recall how I ended up in the tub and it hurts to try to remember what really happened in there. I will never know who saved me I just know someone did and it sure as hell was not me. My friend Mare sent me a message detailing something similar happened to her in her artists studio. She believes we were both saved for a reason. Am I worth saving ? Probably not..but someone thought so..and here I am to blog yet another day.. The rest of the trip was amazing..fun filled..Cool people I met..Great meals..Lovely presents and a very romantic Valentines day.

I am happy to be home but truly miss So Calif right now. I would have preferred to have a non accident trip but there you go..somethings happen for a reason.. As we drove home we were about 55 miles frome home when a guy was speeding behind us..so we pulled over and slowed down to let him pass us and he did so at 80+ miles per hour..he lost control of his car, an SUV and went up on 2 wheels and slammed into a big rig in the next lane..His radiator fluid ended up spraying all over our car/windshield. With Sugar Daddys Nascar driving skills we managed to avoid getting anything worse than that. I checked on the big rig guy and the speedy driver and both were shaken but okay. What a trip..starts off with a fall and ends with a crash...We made it safely home though and boy did our house look great to us by than.

Happy to be home and Happy to be writing this to you all..Happy Weekend,

Maureen***

Sugar Babyz Unite :)

Hello My Friends,

I am enjoying life each and every day. A year ago in Feb 2011 I was dealing with a bizarre female stalker at our "other" site. She was determined to make me pay for walking, no make that, running away from her so called "friendship". It was one of the brighter decisions I ever made. 2011 was a year of personal growth for me. My erotic writing took off and has over 35,000 readers now. I am very happy that something I created can make others happy too.

2011 was the year of the "Prince Charming" and all that he did for me,because of me and to me. He is my muse, good or bad. The writing will live long after I have ceased to and am to be found in one of the 7 circles of Hell. (LOL) I am sooooooooo going to dedicate the book of erotica to him even though he would prefer to remain in the shadows. I feel like taking a lighthouse and turning that big light right on my work. :)

I keep hearing from my men and women friends on how hard it is to find love and sexual chemistry. I hear Men blaming women and vici versa. I am in the rare situation with more than one to keep me happy though one is trying harder than the other these days ;) I want all my friends to find what they are seeking to make them happy. Do whatever it takes to satisfy the primal urges. Why say No when saying Yes feels so right ?

I guess I am just sitting here right now and wondering what do I really want ? Is what I wanted last year still what I am aching for this year ? Where is the man who told me he wanted me pulsating and panting for his touch ? How he demanded to see that before coming to me..I never said being a Sugar Babyz was easy but damm my angels, it should not be this hard. Should it ?

I did my own Tarot as you've seen me mention before..it was very eye opening. The cards read the Prince exactly as I knew they would. They described him to a "T". They also said for my own good I needed to take a vaca somewhere..and soon..Week later another Horoscope arrives and tells me Sugar Daddy and Babyz have to go away NOW. I told Sugar Daddy and lo and behold he believed it too. I received an interesting Tarot reading today by email and thought I'd share it here.

The Three cards for my reading for WED FEB 1st 2012 were..
The World (Love)..The Hanged Man (Touchstone)..The Star (Career)

Today, you're in no mood to declare your undying devotion to your partner, MAUREEN. The conjunction of the Hanged Man and the World puts you in a bad position for making sacrifices or concessions. You keep your distance rather than get too involved, and you prefer light-heartedness to stability. You must act as you think best, but take care not to hurt those close to you with your fickle attitude.Professionally, your projects seem to have come to a standstill. The alliance between the Star and the Hanged Man indicates a situation where you can do nothing, but wait. Naturally, this is quite frustrating. Even more so because you have plenty of ideas, but neither the resources nor the authority to put them into practice. Your action radius is rather reduced, because the people higher up are not giving you the recognition and trust that you deserve. Do not let this get you down too much; continue to do your best!

This was followed by these two, a regular horoscope and a Love scope..

Your love horoscope for February 1, 2012 Don't allow the appearance of troubled waters to stop you from planning a wonderful time out with your partner later on today. The current transits could mean that you may have a few things to discuss, but it would be best if you did not put this off, even though you suspect that you may need to be quite firm about a certain issue. Talking brings a happy resolution.
　
Your horoscope for February 1, 2012 Love matters may seem to be far worse than they really are, MAUREEN. Emotion runs high as your current love interest seems preoccupied and uncommunicative; however, it wouldn't be a good idea to let your insecurities get the best of you and lash out. Your partner's heart is with you, though the mind is another matter. Family or career problems are getting in the way of your enjoying each other. Bite your tongue, be patient, and hang in there.

Not sure what to make of any of it yet..It is WED and that is ..um..was a Prince Charming day..

Hoping your HUMP Day/WED is a Great one,

Hugsss,

Maureen