Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Hello my Faithful and dear readers,
I did not expect to be passing away in someones mind tonight. Yet alas, I did just that. I had been emailing him since May/June 2012 and I have a folder where ALL 184 emails are saved from him. I thought he was a real nice person..funny, smart, cool to chat with. He is the man of the Initial name here..(the one who lives in fear of being discovered on my blog and having people know the Initial is him..Gasp..the horror...the one simple initial could defeat and damage his whole world. How awful to count me among his friends..sigh)
Tonight I saw him on Y msg and simply IM-ed him asking him how angry was he with me..He claimed to not know what I was talking about. He told me he thought I was the one angry with him. Turns out he told me he is all alone in the world and alas, that is a lie..He has a quite lovely girlfriend who does not know a single thing about me. A good friend told me when we were discussing the Prince of Pain.. (the tombstone could rep his feelings for me too I suppose)..that initial has a "live in girlfriend"..mmmm, what about all those emails asking me for things..massage, to be a slave..to meet right now..(THO he refused to speak on the phone..One time he called here as he wanted me to help him through a personal session with a part of his anatomy and moan for him.) I was never sure how I was supposed to set up a meeting when I was not allowed to call him. He never once told me about the GF..all I heard was how lonely he was and no sex for yrs.
I told him how it hurt to be lied to after the Prince of Pain did it for 6 yrs..He denied lying to me. Told me no emails or FB msgs reached him. (Yeah, they did) Told me he owed me nothing though I had been completely honest with him from the beginning. Told me he didn't like it that I believed other peoples lies over him. I NEVER lie so this was quite a blow to me..and I merely told Initial that I was hurt ..not angry or mad..HURT that a friend told me the truth he seemed to be unable or unwilling to do.
His last words were..."Unless you send me those photos of you (racy) you are dead in my mind to me." I said "Ok got it.done" and ended the IM. Sooo unless my darlings I send a man and his GF too I guess, photos of me, I am dead to him. I told a darling friend of mine/role model to me and between her brilliant mind and my Sugar Daddy's, they created this lovely image.
I died tonight in some mans mind..RIP racy photos of me that were never sent and now never will be..LOL.
Initial I really liked you..thought we were becoming very good friends. I even said that right now I have 3/4 male friends I truly trust and named you (OH the horror, I actually said your name) as one of them. I hope you send flowers to my tombstone..this morning, I died in your mind.
RIP: ME :)
Monday, September 10, 2012
I am late in writing this as I was very sick and struggling still to find the right words. Has it truly been 15 yrs since we lost Princess Diana ? How is that even possible ? Even thinking about her and then the loss feels like someone is punching me right in my heart. I have long admired Diana and all she stood for. The causes she represented long before anyone else choose to do so. Aids, mines..etc..She stood up first when others shied away.
I remember her wedding..the birth of the kids..the divorce and how she came out of it all a stronger woman. I was happy for her and proud of her.
So much love in her heart for others and the eternal search for love for herself. Did she find it at the end of her young life ? No idea..but I for one am happy she was at peace in Paris and on vacation with Dodi. He made her laugh and what woman doesn't love a man who can make them laugh and feel secure ? I know I do. (Sugar Daddy is excellent at making me feel secure and laughing all the time)
Then the fateful night in Paris..The drive to escape the Paparazzi..that forever dammed tunnel..I was coming home and up the stairs of my building. Mom opened the front door.."Have you heard ?" she asked me. I'd been listening to Frank Sinatra on the car radio so thought perhaps we lost him.."Frank ?" I asked as we walked inside.
"NO, Diana." I put my purse down..God NO..Not her..It must be some other Diana.."Dodi is dead" Mom quietly said. That is when I knew it was not some other Diana..it was OUR Diana.
"Mom, I can't process this..I will think about Dodi later" I looked at the TV..the ambulance in the tunnel..the long wait to move her to hospital.I felt as if I'd been punched..and I can still feel the hurt. I sat there...waited and waited and the news..the death of someone I cared about..looked up to and adored. OUR Peoples Princess , Diana was gone. "The boys" I whispered.."Oh god the kids". Luckily they were not in the car with Diana, Dodi, Henri Paul the driver and the bodyguard. Funny thing I can see all of them in the car, at the hotel steps waiting for the car and for the life of me can not recall the bodyguards name..(yeah some writer and researcher me.. I should have looked it up first before starting this..)
To this day when I think of her..It is with pride of what she accomplished..what she gave to the world in 2 amazing sons..Prince William and Prince Harry..I still feel the loss and always will. I remember hearing Diana is dead..going to the bathroom and just crying in agony..How can the world be so cruel ? I know men and women see her loss differently..Men shrug when we talk of Diana in glowing terms..Yet I will always remember where I was when we lost her..and how it felt to hear the news.
I can see her in my minds eye at the wedding of her son William..a true love match with his beloved Kate. How happy she would have been and all eyes on her until Kate walked in , in that "dress". How she would have laughed, loved and been happy..
God Rest your Soul Diana .. Dodi, I am sorry for your loss . Your family aches for you too, and always will. Thank you for being a part of our world even though it was way to short a time.
I will miss you..and I know my Mom and My friends who are in Heaven before me, told you I said Hello when you all passed each other "Up there".