When the heart is pulled from your body...where do you begin to trust again ?

Hello Faithful readers,

C'est Moi..feeling in a very bluesy mood today..it is almost the witching hour..Midnight..perhaps when it turns to become WED, I'll feel better. I've been fighting back the tears for hours now and fighting a losing battle with them.  I thought censoring my blog at the "other site" was bad enough..I thought watching a friend be stalked by a lunatic was horrible..I thought losing a friend would be the worst I could go through..and I was right on that...It hurts like a son of a B...a deep , cavernous wound that feels like it will never close. I felt this same pain when my Best Friend Alex was taken from me by a massive heart attack. I can not replace her..or my Mom..or anyone I've lost to Heaven. What makes it even rougher is I did nothing to deserve the loss...I was the cheerleader..the whipping boy..the one who always believed in Him and his dreams..and now..a month has gone by and like the idiot I am, I sit and wait..perhaps today will be the day my friend speaks nicely to me..

I guess when we agreed to always be friends I thought he meant it as much as I did..At least I am glad our last "good" day together was April 19th and I got to say what was in my heart even though I was scared to death to say it..scared it would upset him/tick him off..My hands shook..my heart pounded so loudly I thought he could hear it...and I quietly typed..

"1 year or 1 thousand..I will always want and ache for you and  feel the  need to please you..and it will always be there " I waited..shaking and he typed back..We've been friends for 6 yrs..and this was a year anniversary of whatever else we "shared". I promised him early on that my feelings for him would never change but always, always, always be there..

"YESSSSS it will" he typed..Our last happy conversation ended on a happy passionate note. For that I will always be grateful.

Forgive me my tears...understand my heart is not only aching, the damm thing is shattered..I am so afraid I will never be able to trust anyone else ever again..6 years or 6 thousand, this kind of pain never dies..Perhaps one of these nights I will start sharing here how it all began...how it tragically ended..maybe even some of my erotica will find a home here and go back to where it belongs on the "other site".

Thanks for reading this..and for being here..Kind of feels like I am not alone..Close the door softly as you leave..Please.

Hugs,

Maureen***

The Dolls (well some of) in my Dollhouse

Hello Dear Readers,

I shared this photo on my FB page but thought I'd share it here too..These are the dolls that helped inspire me to bring my dollhouse here and blog about my life as a Sugar Babyz. Sugar Daddy bought all these dolls. They range from $3.99 for the open Cleo de Nile dolls out of package up to $21.99 for a Lagoona set. They are highly addictive as you can see/tell. I told Him that he never enables my bad behavior/choices. Sugar Daddy laughed then said that He only enables me in this collection and one on Kathy Van Zeeland handbags. LOL. He is such a good provider..I am a lucky Babyz indeed.

Happy Half Naked WED..Happy HUMP Day..Happy Wankers Day as my sis says in the UK,

Have fun & Enjoy Life,

xxoo,

Maureen

Censoring a Sugar Babyz NEVER works well

Hello Dear Readers,

I finally have my google blog back to normal now and Twitter is safe now too :) I have an update to my recent woes with my life and my erotica. A friend of mine has been rather upset and accused me of things I did not and would NOT do..so in an attempt to appease him, my blog on another site was censored. It broke my heart to do that. I am sad to say I think he knew that it would. YOU do not tell a writer to stop writing and once published or posted ,tell them it has to be removed. I carefully made copies and took screen shots but did as I was ordered to do. Btw, the posts/erotica had been on the website for over a year without a single problem being attributed to it. Not even the tiniest hint of anything wrong..no favourtism no problems..Until now..ALL because someone talked when they should not have and told the wrong person info/intel they had no right to repeat. Eventually the posts/erotica will come back..By my count over 30,000-50,000 people have viewed and read/enjoyed them on several sites. I have no intention of denying the posts are mine or censoring them elsewhere. Other members blogs were also singled out for censoring. Sadly the whackjob stalker took  a lot more then my words down..she brought others down too and what did she achieve ? Nothing..Nothing at all. Our words may be in hiding but they still breathe, they still move others to pleasure and happiness. You won no battles and you won't win this censorship war.

The Fairy Tale of my life may be over for now..at least this part of it...I will survive ..I will move on and what I had with one, I can have with others. My friend in France told me "You lose 1 and you will gain 10 in its place" I like that statement. There are many Princes out there asking for my other glass slipper..Just a shame that the one I cared about as my dear "great" (as he called me) Friend did not believe IN me as much as I always believed in him. I NEVER believed the gossip about him. I had faith. To bad he had none in me.

Happy WEEKEND Hugs & FIGHT CENSORSHIP WHEREVER IT EXISTS!!,

Maureen