Thursday, December 29, 2011

What this blog means to me or why am I here ?


Why am I here too ? I have Myspace..Tagged..Facebook..Live Journal ..I belong to various other sites and can share there too. I came here as I have an amazing friend with a fantastic blog and her talent encouraged me to try this out.

Yes obviously I like dolls but that is not what life inside the doll house is all about. That term came to me as some men see me as a doll.. I do not know why. Maybe because I am petite..I am a people pleaser..I do not see me as others see me. I am not as easily impressed with myself as others are. Do I want to be accepted as a doll or as I see me ? My whole life I have belonged to someone but not myself. First my parents who spoiled me rotten and brought up the proper little Princess. I never wanted for anything except perhaps my own identity. I was brought up surrounded by toys and dolls and images of what female beauty is supposed to mean and be. I felt like a tiny doll inside a very big dollhouse that someone else created for me.

I went from my Mothers home straight to the home of the man who is my Sugar Daddy. He does for me what my Mother always did..spoils me rotten and I give him whatever he needs and wants. I have not had to provide for myself because there was always plenty and I could spend my time concentrating on my writing and acting/dancing. I know life is much more difficult for others than it ever has been for me. I am not complaining just trying to figure myself out.

I took a book out of the library and the title is "Why Men Love to go from being a doormat to a dreamgirl"..I guess I am trying to figure out who I really am and what do I want from the world I was born and bred to please others in. Be grateful and smile..that is how I was raised. The Perfect little Princess girl, that is me. "You are sooo sweet" is what I always hear. Am I really ? Or am I the bad girl hiding behind an angelic image ? A man I care for told me he feels I play the role of the "angel" to the hilt and that inside me there is darkness and depravity. Yet he isn't scared by that and seems attracted to it. I can not figure it out by myself so perhaps in writing here..I can figure it out.

Am I the good little doll in the scary haunted doll house or am I the bad girl only out for what she can get from others ?

Willing to take the journey with me ? Than buckle up baby, it is going to be bumpy ride indeed..




  1. Do you ever wonder what it would be like to rely upon yourself?

    This question is just out of curiosity.

  2. Mz Foxy,

    GREAT question hon..Trust my Idol to come up with it..

    I have had to rely on myself at times in my life. I owned my own business and was quite the success at that. I volunteer and do my best to help others sort out their problems. I just prefer to let the man take charge and make decisions. The Men in my life seem to prefer it that way too. They like me having to rely on them so to please them I am the little helpless doll.

    When Mom became sick with her last illness I had to take care of her and make all the decisions regarding her life and mine. I did it but was not happy about it. Den made the final decision regarding her funeral as I was nearly comatose by that time.

    I know I can rely on myself as I am smart enough to know that sometimes all we have is US to rely on. I enjoy letting the men lead as they seem to love it so..but in actual reality ..who is the boss and who is the follower ? MMM, I am not sure.

    Hugs and thanks for such a great question..